yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
