You're my little dorito
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
