I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
