Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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