You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
