my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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