I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This baby is an asshole
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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