She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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