Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she peed on how many people?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
