I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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