Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
