I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
