ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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