My friends, they love my intelligence
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
