yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
