Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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