I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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