I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
