come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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