My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
no, he came in my armpit
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
