My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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