Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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