This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
