Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
