Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
