it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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