just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
