...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
