Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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