I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
