i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
