i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
