just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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