I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fill condoms, not promises.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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