Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
