I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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