He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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