Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
