i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
