if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
