Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
