So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
