before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
