so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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