she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
