the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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