It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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