What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
