If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize