Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
