so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
