i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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