we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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